Friday, January 26, 2007

congratulate me!
i've done it yet again,
raised the impossibly high bar of selfishness.

whoever invented the wrds,
understanding, care, thoughtfulness
obviously haven met me.

i was stupid to wait,
foolish to believe,
insane to trust,
but more so,
i was too self-obsessed to see beyond myself,
my needs, my wants, my everything.

i really dun deserve to be loved.
in fact i probably dun deserve to exist at all..

mayb i shld be reborn as some cockroach,
to be stepped on
n to eat garbage for life.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

date-by-date

woah.. its been the longest time since i came here.. n tts not coz i was studying. seriously, i stopped blogging just so i wld feel tt slightly bit better abt NOT mugging my ass of for the coming eoys. oh my goodness gracious me! it is coming... fast, Fast, FAST! n i'm totally, completely, 100% not ready for it! oh hell, n to tink i wld be abit more worried considering its worth a whole freaking 40%!

anyway, a short recap over the long long time of keyboard abstinence..

  • jan o8: fom formal presentaion - nike intl.
  • jan o8: dar suprised me at tamp mrt super early in the morn!! *gushes*
  • jan 08: i whine alot over increased transport exp.
  • jan 09: my baby spoilt me again.. we went to bedok mkt for beancurd!!
  • jan 10: dar got prize presentation for being sb achiever!!
  • jan 10: waited for him n he brought me makan..
  • jan 10: met ting, lynn n bee at bugis.. (n poor him got suan AGAIN! *sayang*)
  • jan 10: mos dinner with the girls. *loves*
  • jan 10: took his housekeys hm.. haha.. (I WANNA BREAK-IN.. hehehe.. XD)
  • jan 11: got my candy fix n sugar rush during 4hr lect. =D
  • jan 11: dinner at simei.. he was supposed to get me dim sum but dun hv. *sulks*
  • jan 11: got pissed coz the seemingly all-perfect him messed up - failed to call.
  • jan 11: was v v v upset n kicked bear bear out of my rm..
  • jan 12: itab frontpg presentation was disaster.
  • jan 12: went to jean yip to colour + highlight my hair for cny. nice nice.. =)
  • jan 12: was rather affected by some dream plus past events... very affected...
  • jan 12: possibly the saddest day in my life. T.T
  • jan 12: cried in front of him for the 3rd time n walked away in the rain. :(
  • jan 12: note: the rain was heavy, n i left in a rather dramtic exit. lol.
  • jan 12: talked to xinyu who counselled me ALOT. (thanks babe..)
  • jan 12: phone calls, tears, honey-ed wrds n reassurances... iloveyou
  • jan 12: ironed out all the doubts n bear bear moved back in.. i missed him!
  • jan 13: study session at hm - ALONE!
  • jan 14: someone forgot his daily sms ritey?? but i'm so nice n forgiving!!
  • jan 15: (early morning) HE HUNG UP ON ME! *speechless with anger*
  • jan 15: day 1 of being the perfect gf!
  • jan 15: kinder bueno for my stressed darling.. choc, the best medicine. :)
  • jan 15: he changed his pw to his SPICE a/c to ahem. *touched*
  • jan 15: he finally saw the ppt i left in his M:// drive.. WOLS!
  • jan 15: we went for sumo house dinner coz i hv craving for jap. hehehe..
  • jan 15: he sure likes to refill my green tea. haha.. i'm spoilt. super!
  • jan 15: we used the black pore packs i bought.. nice black-head free noses now..
  • jan 16: dar n i had our first solo lunch together in sp.. prob our last in sch too.. =(
  • jan 16: free swensen's ice-cream for signing up for some stupid thing.
  • jan 16:

    serkee: for an ice cream we r late for crs!
    me: worth it ma?
    all: of course. HAHAHA...


  • jan 16: accepted mrs leong's nomination to be a peer mentor. only one in cls!
  • jan 16: he chose to come hm with me instead of doing proj. whee~!!
  • jan 17: jess is apparently my meng xiang qing ren in some test..
  • jan 17: marry me dear. hehe. jkjk.. =P
  • jan 17: dar attempted to teach me how to get to admin blk to meet francis hong.
  • jan 17: EXCO interviews... sooo formal, stressed!!!
  • jan 17: played in the clubhouse.. (i'm sorry i messed up the whiteboard..)
  • jan 17: studied at tech centre with tiff n kelvin.. not much studying lah..
  • jan 17: got disappointed again.. poly is a place with soo much politics.
  • jan 17: sweared to be nice to everyone, regardless. (collect gd karma ma..)
  • jan 17: 55@sp talk.. food n cca pts basically.. ^^
  • jan 17: gerald drove richard, zest n i back to tamp..
  • jan 17: got upset by the bf coz of something rather stupid..
  • jan 17: he now owes me 2 million kisses which will take a lifetime to repay.
  • jan 17: muahahaha.. *evil laughter* (oops, i was supposed to be nice to all.. =P)
  • jan 18: the last time we're gonna come sch together. boohoohoo..
  • jan 18: 6th floor corridors will nv took the same to me again. *cheeky grin*
  • jan 18: signed up for 29th spdp with jess - pizza class!
  • jan 18: my dear fussed over my papercut.. lalalala..
  • jan 18: girlish gossips n secrets at fc 3 with someone new.. =X
  • jan 18: met up with desmond who seriously indulges serkee.. *envious*
  • jan 18: dar got worried abt the rain n wanted to pay for my cab fare..
  • jan 18: a panicky him rushed back to tamp when i refused offer despite proj.
  • jan 18: tamp was bright n sunny as the west slowly got flooded!
  • jan 18: HIGHLIGHT: joy chua, sb honours roll!!!

ok, not tt i wanna brag or wat. but i was beaming with pride n so was mommy, daddy n the bf. apparently, i'm the baby in everyone's eyes.. haha.. praises are not enough, rewards please!!! =D

n yes, although he did like make me madmadmadmad many many times the past wk.. n i wan all my jie meis to get even with him, i tink he more than made up for his inadequacies by being extremely sweet to me in many other instances.. <3>

~ love ya baby. *muacks*

btw, my fom lecturer is sooo funny..

random thing 1 (quite long time ago..)
last time, there was tis v chio classmate of mine..
she liked to play hard-to-get n was all haughty in front of us guys..
we all call her miss tan.
now, she is old n ugly n single..
so we call her missed tan!!

random thing 2
Q: wat do we get when FedEx n UPS merge?
A: FedUp!!!

random thing 3
guys, when a girl reject u with an excuse: "i need to wash my hair.",
it just means she does not like u.. but u dun hv to give up!
ask again n mayb tis time, she'll go...
"i need to wash my eyebrows or something.."

hmm, he is lame rite? but super funny. haha... n i still can rmbr vividly how he called tt np student a spy when he crashed our lect.. i tink sp (esp sb) hv bad blood with the poly down the rd. haha.. its funny to see the teachers get all flustered by it. hehehe..

bye bye till the 7th.. pray for me!!! pray for my grades!!!
8D

Sunday, January 07, 2007

oooh, tis is frm waaay back.. haha.. anyway, i'm feeling bored (as usual). so here!



steamboat at richard's place eons ago. back to the gd old days where i still wore specs.. =P tts how long ago tis pic is dated..

anyway, its gerald, zest, me, darren, tianhock, jessica n santoso..



ok.. i just had to put tis up for fun. lalala..



me stepping on 2 boats at the v same time!! pro!
my dar n my dear. <3



the d&d celebration cum review invitees.. haha..
richard, zest, me, jessica, darren, guowei, adeline, santoso n carolyn!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ting says i lost my independence the day i got attached n i quote frm xiaxue's blog, "... making me feel...That girls are somehow just... part of their men... We talked about our boyfriends, and it suddenly hit me that we are not WHOLE, we are merely the other half of our men. A sidekick if you must."

hmm, tt must not happen to me. never!! i'll prove it.. so ya, a new sch yr, a new beginning.. afterall, frm a song i've been listening quite abit to recently:




我知道你很难过 by jolin

我知道你很难过
爱一个人
需要缘分
你何苦让自己
越陷越深
别傻得用你的天真去碰触不安的灵魂
每一天只能痴痴的等
爱一个人别太认真
你受伤的眼神令人心痛
没有一个人
非要另一个人
才能过一生
你又何苦逼自己
面对伤痕
我知道你很难过
感情的付出不是真心就会有结果
别问怎么做爱才能长久
这道理有一天你会懂
我知道你很难过昨天是恋人
今天说分说就分手
别问你的痛 要怎么解脱
多情的人注定伤得比较久
爱若变成了刺
思念也成了痴
也许心碎是爱情最美的样子

haha.. tts quite some rambling on my part.. coz the boyfriend is going to enrol NS really really soon.. hey, a couple more mths is short to me! n seriously, i dunno how i'll manage survive n cope w/o tt someone to rely on 24/7.. honestly!

n tt thought just left me totally freaked, scared n lost. since when was joy so clingy?!?! since when did she need someone tt much?!?! so as of now, i shld try to adjust n get used to a life w/o tt comforting presence. boy oh boy, so much for wanting to be an alpha-female yeah?

nothing is forever..

tmr going to sch alone will just be tt first of many steps. =)
its time to live my life with me alone as the leading actress, charting my own paths, creating my own destiny. wat an adventure. ^^
phew, last day of hols n finally, we hv successfully scaled mt. projects!!!

just sent out the fom slides n editted report. coz i'm such an excellent crapper, i managed to make the report 10-pg long! n tts a whole 3-pg more then the initial compiled report. i'm a genius. wahahaha..

n the slides r up to my standard too only w/o animations lah. woo-hoo~

anyway, my illness is getting much better thanks to all the care n concern not forgetting medicines of western and chinese nature. ^^

my dar came by in the bloody hot weather with drinks for me again. only tis time, its not the - terrible, horrible, incorrigible, vegetable - american ginseng but nice, warm, sweet, honey lemon tea for my sorethroat. *dances around*

aft being stuck at hm for the longest time, i can finally go out n breathe in fresh air tmr.. oh shucks, tt reminds me.. i haven done the 12 crs reports. grrrr... tis is utterly inhumane!

n the exam schedule is out. OH THE HORROR! no more closet-mugger me.. i shall announce it loudly here, I WILL BE A FULL-FLEDGED MUGGER!! until 7th feb at least.

wat i shall not do (yeah right!)
- no more bubble tea..
- no more mac breakfast..
- no more sugared drinks..
- no more fried food..
- no more choc/ice-cream indulgences..
- no more lect tidbits..
- no more aft sch dates..
- no more random shopping..
- no more blogging/msn.. (unless something really big happens)
- no more sleeping past 9am on wkends!

my 10 commandments till i conquer the impossible.. the END-OF-YEARS! arrggghh!!
btw, the food restrictions r coz i probably wun hv time to exercise. ladeedums~

Saturday, January 06, 2007

i'm feeling tt little bit better! yeah!! haha... no more as lethargic as yesterday. so i'm in perfect psyche to rush out fom.. u must tink i'm so utterly insane to be tt excited over one proj. oh wells, aft tis proj, i just need to complete 12 more crs articles n i'm soo totally ready to start mugging for the coming final paper. whoopdeedoo~

i must really start soon bcoz tis eoys is the deciding factor. the one tt maintains my gpa. the one tt shows my capability to juggle sch wrk with frens, social life, cca commitments, shopping sprees, late nights n most importantly, the boyfriend. haiz... if tis gets screwed up, bye bye everything i ever really wanted. so yeap, i must not give in w/o a fight! gambatte!!

to-do list:
1) get my notes in order. (i must first find them. hehe.)
2) fill in all the blanks frm skipped lects.. (tts ALOT!)
3) redo tutorials. (which i nv did in the first place.)
4) recap notes.. (daily studying!! yeah!)

of course, studying is not enough! strive for a balanced life rite? haha... it'll be daily gym sessions n the occasional yoga wrkout so i'll hv a fab body by cny. nice, new clothes here i come! lalalalala.. ^^

on a footnote, friendster has somewhat left me with missing testimonials. ok, its just 1.. but it was an impt one.. *sulks* ahhh, i bet they didn't tink tt i wld actually rmbr n go check. lol... tts playing cheat. boo hoo hoo... =(

Friday, January 05, 2007

urrgghh!! i'm sick. n it sucks. =(

yes, its nice to hv ppl baby u but with a nose abt to fall off frm all those tissue-pinching n a headache so spliting it leaves u unable to sit straight, while having to rush proj aft proj before sch reopens nxt wk, i tink u wld much rather recover FAST X1000!!

finished itab frontpg proj two days ago n celebrated with pepper lunch dinner n death note 2 movie!! we even managed to get couple seats at The Grand Cathay. happy happy. =D yesterday was D&D celebration cum review. santoso, jessica, guowei, darren, carolyn, richard, zest n i went to bugis for seoul garden late lunch plus neoprints!! it was kinda nostalgic to be talking abt the process aft it has all ended. XD

i love it when my dar indulges in me.. to put it crudely, its like having a nanny. ^^

someone to hug u when u feel cold.
someone to cover u with jacket n t-shirts when a hug is not enough to keep u warm.
someone to remind u to drink water. (n even opening the bottle cap for u.)
someone to hold ur bag. (however girly it may be..)
someone to take out whatever u need frm ur bag n put in back when u no longer need it.
someone to tap ur ezylink card. (or remind u to do so..)
someone to hold ur hand shld u lose ur way.
someone to rmbr ur likes n dislikes.
someone to take u out when u feel like it. (trying to pay despite being broke.)
someone to cook ur food at multiple steamboat dinners.
someone to peel ur prawns n all other 'shell-y' seafood.
someone to call when u feel bored. (he'll talk no matter how busy.)
someone to coax u to sleep nightly.
someone to accompany u to sch n a million other places.
someone to lean on when u feel like taking a nap.
someone to kiss ur pain n troubles away.
someone to send u hm rain or shine, early or late.
someone to whisper sweet nothings tt make u float on air.
someone to tell u ur beautiful. (even though ur fat, pimply n hv a horrible dress sense!)
someone to worry when ur hm late, or sick or upset.
someone to make jokes just to see u smile.
someone to whine or complain to.. (n u dun hv to be afraid of him judging u.)
someone to wipe away ur tears or running nose (in tis particular case.)
someone to stay close by so u wun feel alone. (n not being afraid of getting the germs.)
someone to come visit when ur stuck or grounded at hm.
someone to report to n who will report to u.
someone to force american ginseng down my throat despite my countless protests.

bcoz he noes wat is gd for me. n nope, he didn't hv to use a funnel for tt lah.. n he lied abt having sweets. bahx. =P

me: mommy, i wanna complain! zest bully me!
daddy: wat?!? he dare bully my princess??
mommy: wat happened?
me: he made me drink some vile herbal concoction..
daddy: ginseng?
me: yalor.. YUCK!!
mommy: woah, he must hv spent hrs brewing tt.
me: dots. if he cook i even more dun dare to drink can?

hahaha... anyway, my parents r pleased. n they r making me drink evil bitter broths too!! *whines*

to cher: i'll recover soon.. so u better rmbr ur promised to bring me go gai gai!
to ting: thanks dear for calling me first. YEAH!! i'll be loads better soon. =)
to carolyn: thanks for ur concern, i'll survive n emerge stronger. haha..

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

highlights

ALLIANCE MEETING @ SILOSO BEACH!!

aft satisfying my sudden n ridiculous craving of strawberry milk tea at approx 11pm the nite before, the boyfriend satisfied my craving for macdonald's hotcake breakfast bright n early at 9am. =D japan has left me deprived!

mommy says i'm becoming spoilt. i say i'm becoming fat.
ahhh, the sacrifice of having someone to pamper me. lolx.

anyway, headed down to habourfront stn at 11am only to end up waiting for latecomers till abt 1pm. tsk tsk.. tis outing was supposedly only meant for selected ppl but through some miscommunications, some other ppl turned up. including suprise guest - or lina! haha..

richard: welcome to santoso!
santoso: dots dots dots..
(laughter all around..)
richard: oops, i meant sentosa!

for those who remembered the west coast outing or proj superstar tryouts, or lina sure is an unforgettable character. anyway, aft insisting she has nv been to sentosa, she disappeared halfway. n so much for me worrying!! guess where she ended up?? palawan beach n somehow or another managed to find her way hm before she called to reassure us. bahx.

met new ppl, excos frm the business clubs of TP, NP n RP.. =) watched the guys play soccer, watched jess, th n sw soak in the sea, played with cards, snacked alot n picked seashells.. kinda boring actually..

like all other monsoon days, it soon started to rain. so we hurriedly headed back to main island, singapore. if u tot squeezing 10 ppl into gerald's van is a feat worthy of the guinness bk of world records, u shld hv seen 9 of us squeeze into jacky's hyundai getz. of which 8 of the 9 are guys.. yeap.. poor me. lol.

other then the car being more than a little cramp, with everyone piled on top of each other, the journey was sorta fun. as they say, "when u put a grp of guys together, nothing gd can happen." they talked abt slightly censored stuff n somehow, someone managed to pass around a men's magazine.. so i was engaged in wat cld hv been an army camp conversation. an experience every girl shld try some day. hehehe..

aft meeting up with the folks who took the bus, we had dinner before zest n i left for esplanade.. the place like siloso beach was preparing for a major countdown celebration n it was quite cool to be in the midst of all the lights n action. the weather was fab, cooling but not rainy.. such a pity the roof garden was closed. sobs sobs..

but all was not lost.. while walking by the riverside, we were entertained by live band performances n took part in music-making by the rhythm chefs (we got to bang pots n pans according to the beat). while crossing the sheares bridge, the most marvellous thing happened. we spotted our floating balloon with our wishes all scribbled on it. out of the thousands of balls left floating along the s'pore river, ours was pretty obvious. it was a sad sad thing tt i did not hv a proper cam at tt pt of time. oh wells, too late for regrets. haha.


COUNTDOWN TO 2007!
FIREWORKS AT MARINA BAY - ESPLANADE!

went shopping in town with suting, weien (sotong's bf), serene, wanyee n huiyan.. didn't manage to buy anything except missha lip gloss.. but its pretty pink. =) everything was great n there was even a climax with our friendly neighourhood policemen getting involved. cool hur?

the story sorta went like tis. all of us was in bossini except suting n weien who were standing outside. a 40-plus yr old uncle (with an ang-mo accent.) made a typical ahbeng kissing kinda sound frm the 2nd floor got diao-ed by weien. trouble-maker or drunkard, tt guy made a fuss which involved the arrival of abt 7 police officers!!! n the funny part was huiyan refusing to come out of bossini insisting on trying her pair of jeans completely oblivious to the entire brouhaha* happening just outside. haha..

aft wanyee left, the rest of us headed down to pasir ris to meet up with jiajia, wilfred (jj's bf), khangjing n zest. finally, dinnertime!! haha.. steamboat buffet for only $12 inclusive of drinks is waaay cheaper then eating the same thing at marina south.. aft dinner, zest n i left to watch fireworks at esplanade.

the place was packed n many a times i was just contented to sit at some place n wait but he wanted tt perfect spot. anyway, i'm kinda thankful tt he insisited so we ended up in the middle of all the excitment n had a brilliant n unobstructed view of the floating balls n of course, the fireworks!! but i had to climb n cut through bushes quite abit. UNGLAM!!

but the show was not as high as i expected. there was no countdown n the crowd was horrible.. not v worthwhile if u ask me. haha.. anyway, it was one-on-one time. we talked quite abit n i got a little emotional. but those were stuff which we promised not to raise again in the new yr.. so yeah.

we waited for the crowd to subside a little before walking to raffles place mrt stn to take one of the last trains back to tamp. (smrt service was extended to 1.30am.) cabbed hm frm tamp, met up with jess, gerald, darren n richard at my place where we drunk vodka, ate chips n waddled in the pool till everyone was shag. by 6am, everyone was too tired to prance around further n we ended up lounging by the pool. ahhh, heaven~.

HAPPY 3RD MONTH DAR! *muackies*

it sucks bigtime to be grounded.. so thanks for cancelling ur other plans n popping by to brighten up my day. hehe. =D

*brouhaha: an episode involving excitement, confusion, turmoil, etc.

Monday, January 01, 2007

its been ages since i read ppl's blog.. so i spent the whole of today's morning reading the blogs of my darlings..

one conclusion, d&d was more or less considered fab!! haha. mayb coz table 12 won practically everything! lolx.. like wat jj said, its the DAMAIAN SPIRIT! (with the exception of wilfred n maki lah..) rah rah!! =D

then i came across ting's blog..

"i am kinda sad that im abit drifting apart with joy, because now we have much much lesser contact... she's also been a very busy girl, in school stuffs, cca commitments and busy in bliss, hahas... hope she will always remain this happy... "


i'm so so sorry ting. sorry i wasn't there to pei u when u were feeling down or there to relive ur stress or there to mediate between u n cher. sorry i wasn't like i was in the past n there isn't tt sense of familarity between us tt u still find between u n bee bee.. =(

i love u babe. i wan u to be happy too.. get in touch with me as soon as u get a new hp k? sorry to here abt ur loss too. missing ya..

today is the last day of 2006.. i can't wait for shopping n steamboat with the 2e2 darlings later.. n i can't wait for the esplanade partying n fireworks with the spse dearies tonight!! i hv a 2am curfew!!! plus mommy sponsored my cab fare hm! yippee!! haha..

n yes, i am disappointed in someone. u were right to say i'm affected coz i am. its not pms but rather girlfriend instinct. oh wells.. so much for looking forward to something so much, holding onto the promises only to end up with nothing in the end.. hmmm, i really shld start getting used i guess..
well, i'm not gonna let tis affect my mood! JOY, i shall be. =)


HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
may u all hv a fabulous n smashing 2007!!!